Egypt: Sacred Service midst the Shadow

To feel exposed, naked for the entire world to see, your roles, identities, props, and the perceptions of others and how they view you all falling away, are truly a humbling, uncomfortable, and courageously terrifying way to learn about who you really are and what you have come to the planet to become. In the Biblical book of Luke, Jesus told his disciples, “"I tell you the truth, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life." I believe he was speaking about service, following the inner guidance, opening to the truths of who we are, leaving all that we know for something greater. There is a time when we leave all that we know behind, the death of the old, a pattern, a way of life, a way of being, leaving all that was or is, our roles and identities, to expand, to be stripped of all we know, or think we know, so that the known, the gifts, blessings, newness, opportunities, and the depth of knowing oneself is revealed to us.

For me personally, this transformation is happening through my time living in Egypt. As religious scientists, sometimes I feel we get stuck in our theories and jargon, the spiritual bypassing into the all goodness of God, and we forget to turn to that which we know, the practicality of principle, seeing that there is something to be learned by the shadow within ourselves and in the world. This I think is what moves us to act, to be of service, to start ministries abroad. We see the possibility. In theory it is all beautiful, and yet practice is where the real stuff begins. I once had a young man come up to me in Ukraine at our Science of Mind TEMENOS- Self-Realization Center during a class and say, ‘You know, Americans sure do a lot of talking about all of this stuff. Do they actually practice it?” I loved his question, and it made me look at my life and see the areas where I was not leaning into what I know. It is through leaning into the shadow, understanding it, knowing it that I feel we can transcend it, shift it into real freedom. To me, this has been the collective consciousness here. It is unavoidable. It is the mirror that so unapologetically reflects itself back to me.

When I arrived on December 28, 2011, Egypt felt different to me than 2 years ago. It feels heavier, energetically uneasy and uncertain, people on edge. A country still developing, awakening to freedoms never known, a life never known, fears of continued economic downfall, more violence, the continuation of the violations of human rights, an uncertainty most live with of never knowing what could happen here. I felt it the minute I left the airport. As much as my mantra has been travelling the world, “The universe is safe. I am safe,” I had never felt this melancholic, uncertainty, unsafe feeling of not knowing what would be around the corner, on the news, on the streets, with no security around to see. I kept living in my judgments of what was not working, how I wanted it to be, how crazy I felt everything was and is. This shadow, testing me, challenging everything I have felt of the Omnipotent, Omniscient Presence of God everywhere that I am in every situation. Where was God, for I was a bit blurry? What an amazing journey back into the self, into redefining, asking “Who am I now with all my roles and attachments stripped away, the distractions gone?” I can see clearly as well that when we truly break it down simply, we uncover the masks that we think define us culturally, religiously, socially, and what you have underneath is the pure, authentic, unique expression of Life, perfection Itself.

On the day of the anniversary of Egypt’s Revolution, I hastily took a taxi at dusk, when the coast was clear, and felt safe for me to go, to Tahrir to take part in the amazing celebration and demonstrations. As I left the cab, terror came over me, thousands of people everywhere in the streets. My beloved and I turned the corner to approach the center of the square and he said, “Okay, take a deep breath. Are you ready for this?” I turned the corner, and sure enough, it was exhilarating, terrifying, a rush of blood throughout my body as I could feel the energy in the thousands of people gathered there. Walking together, chanting, layer upon layer of people surrounding the square like sardines clumped together. The energy was vibrant, powerful, uncertain, and totally real. Simply incredible.

When asked the question, “How are you bringing Science of Mind to the Middle East?” I have to grin cynically. I personally feel that it is not particularly through starting a center in Egypt with a full pulpit ministry that will make the difference. In this country specifically, religion most often consists of Sunni Muslims, Coptic Christians, and a small percentage of Sufi, and sects of Islam. It is not through bringing out our jargon, the fancy use of our words or knowledge of philosophy, religion, and Science of Mind verbiage. It is simply through our dedication to being a place of Love, Light, Radiance, Peace, and Acceptance everywhere we go, to whomever we meet that makes the difference. It is through our involvement in sacred service, volunteering at that refugee center or teaching classes about meditation, self-empowerment and leadership, confidence, and self-awareness. It is humbly learning so much about the culture and religion that you start to find where the Science of Mind teaching may add to one’s faith, strengthen it, bring more light into dark places, building on ancient truths even within their own belief systems. So I have made the commitment that although it may be challenging at first to function amidst a country where culture and religion are so interwoven in everyday life, spirituality spoken in whispers or through poetic books, I will be the love, the acceptance, truly authentic to who I am. It is very easy to feel the cultural dissonance when you are adapting to a new place, language, culture, system, and people.Here is the opportunity to test what universal principle is all about. How do you feel unity, when everything feels separate, when you feel different than others, when you know you look differently and nothing feels as One? How do you see beauty all around you when all you can see appears to be falling apart, dilapidated, dirty, trashy, and uncivilized? Do we turn from the condition of what we see in front of our eyes, the suffering or the pain, the poverty or the injustice and calling it perfect, or do we step back, see it as it is, allowing it to be what it is so that in turn it may bring the gifts of insight, action, innovation, creativity, and change in its perfection and wholeness through our development and transformation ? Can we see ourselves amidst these moments? These are mighty questions with mighty practices. As I look around day to day walking in the street to the market, watching women beating the rugs over the clothes line, men selling bread, gas for the stove, fresh produce on a man’s cart, his donkey pulling him down the street…the “Adhan” being sung for the call to prayer, “Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Ashaduan ileha ila allah, Ashaduan Mohammedon rasul allah. Haya la saleh. (There is no God but God, and Mohammed is his messenger. I ask you to come to pray.), as my Arabic is coming along and I am easing out of walking the street in tension, I can stop to see the beauty in the trees, even in the constant stares from the people, their curiosity making me laugh out loud at how miraculous life really is, how we all wish to understand one another. I am under the belief that it is through understanding and educating ourselves of another culture, people, language, and religion that we may meet them where they are, providing tools for transformation, self-empowerment, and personal development. It first must start with knowledge, context, history, and just being open, surrendering to what you think you know, to be amazed by the gifts, the insights, and the healing that happens. Egypt is magical, mysterious, ancient, and yet it is also still developing in so many ways. I am grateful I can be part of history, that I am here at this point in time, where the city of Cairo alone fosters 25 million people, 60% of which are ages 15-25. So many young people on the planet, and what a perfect place to be, shining brightly so that others may also take away the mask and be brilliantly awesome, innovative, creative, expressive, and outspoken. Truly free.

When we are able to meet people right where they are, standing in truth, love, harmony, freedom, tolerance, acceptance, and compassion, we will move the world with our conviction of love and radiance. When we have truly seen the underbelly of a culture, its dark and light, places where it must grow, shift, change, just as these places must within our own selves, I truly believe we have become global citizens. Salam alayikum. May peace be with you always.

Midan al Tahrir-Tahrir Square

Midan al Tahrir-Formally known to most as Tahrir Square. I’ve been wanting to write about it for some time now. The multiple times I’ve been there, the energy is hard to explain. It’s a mixed feeling of excitement, uncertainty, sadness, chaos, and tension. I could feel the tension everywhere, streets dirty and filled with trash, Egyptian flags colors red, black, and white. Downtown Cairo feels very different itself than every other part of Cairo. There are sections of side streets, little clusters and pockets that provide services to specific needs like automotive repair, light fixtures, metal workers, tailors, etc. It is probably what the US looked like before we had Target, Wal-Mart, and Home Depot. Many of the shops are filled with used items, out of the box, sitting randomly in a store window filled with dust and dirt. It’s hard to believe that they can actually sale anything in them. When it rains in Cairo, the streets flood and no one knows what to do. Business usually stops, people trying to figure out where to walk as the water has no place to drain. In the very center of Tahrir, vendors have set up their carts full of hot sweet potatoes, nuts, and roasted corn for those hanging out or passing by. People sit on the streets, selling their mementos of the Revolution, old photos of the military men. Graffiti has made its way all over the walls, mostly words like “SCAF must go,” “F*ck SCAF,” and there are paintings of the deceased on many buildings. You can see the huge visa immigration office building in the background that was on fire during the Revolution, a common photo seen in many photos in the news.

There is a well-known open air group of ahawas, or cafes, called “Borsa” Café, downtown, where most people go to hang out, smoke sweet smelling sheesha (hookah), and drink teas and coffee. You can never get away from the poor people selling their peanuts or tissues as they walk through the crowd begging for money, forcing their food on you on your table until you have to forcefully say you are uninterested. I guess the hardest part for me is seeing the little children, I’ve seen as little as 3 yrs old, wrapped in a little hijab, faces dirty, walking around for money, as their mothers stand in the distance waiting for them to return. Emad and I have this little trick where we tell them first, “God will take care of you.” Many of them walk away but some have on their straight business face, acting like strong men, so grown up, and once we start asking them “Esmak ey?” “What is your name?” And continue to speak to them, the barrier and the façade starts to fade away slowly and they become children again. Many I find have lost their childhood in this way as their parents are jobless, sometimes homeless, and they must go out to work for the family. And the money they collect does not even go to them to keep. Most recently, we were in the café and noticed a man with two young children by his side, a little boy maybe 5yrs old, and a little girl maybe 7 or 8. He was carrying a coke bottle full of gas and a rod and cushion to show the crowds his tricks of eating fire. I could not believe what I was witnessing, these children, standing by his side as he proceeded to yell into the crowd, his children mimicking his act that he taught them and proceeding to pour this gas in his mouth and spitting it out in a roaring fire as his children were off in their own worlds. People around hardly say anything and after his performance, his children walk around to pick up money, hardly anyone gives. I was in shock the first time seeing this at the abuse I felt this man was putting his children through. This country does not have the kinds of child laws we have in the United States that are enforced. Even if they do have the very good law, the laws aren’t always enforced because of the economic situation for most, the poverty level quite high. They are forced into this work, many living on 1-200 L.E (Egyptian pounds) a month. This is equivalent to $33.00 per month. Even if they were to live on “foul” beans and Egyptian bread everyday for a month, which is quite cheap, would not suffice. It is more than just a problem here. I couldn’t believe no one was saying or doing anything. One night though, when we were in the café, we saw a group of younger guys and women go up to a little one and asked her to sit down to tell them her story of why she was forced to do this. I was talking away with a friend while Emad watched the scene. They continued to hear her story and then had her call her father and have him come to the café to join them. They collected their change and amongst them, gave it to the little girl. The happened to be an NGO in Egypt that helps other people get jobs. So they proceeded to tell the father that they would try to find him work if he would be willing so he could stop forcing his child to work in this way. Emad got up from his seat and walked over to the leader of the group letting him know that he works for a youth educational/consultancy institute that could help in some way in providing assistance. I was completely blown away by the amazing way this all unfolded right before our eyes, just as I was feeling disenchanted. I have started to become more inspired to be working within the developing aspect of countries…more along the lines of education. I had never known the issues before nor how underdeveloped it is, underfunded if at all, and the infrastructure sometimes not even built, enforced, nothing. It makes me inspired to see that there is work to do, for people to become more involved in making this country and others a better place to live in.

Boundaries Please?

I miss my friends who understand me…where I am able to set clear boundaries with and have mutual understanding about one another without all this drama. Drama seems to follow so many people here in Egypt. It’s like they thrive on drama within all relationships to the point that you get sucked into it without even knowing you’ve been pulled in. Relationships are so complicated here. Its best to keep your private life private and not openly share it with others around here. I have a contrast now so much so that I am truly grateful for my friends back home. Its tough to not judge it, to not get frustrated by it. I’m having to set even more clear boundaries with people even more so than before, and that isn’t easy in a culture that doesn’t have the same perception of “boundaries” as I do. Getting into someone elses’ space or what we would call “crossing a personal boundary,” Im finding, isn’t seen the same way as we view it, or that I view it. My challenge is that when I am in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people and things, it is normal to want to control or hold on to anything that makes you feel comfortable, at ease, trusting, safe. Because I don’t feel fully safe within my own surroundings at any given time because I’m still learning about the culture, then I don’t find it so easy to trust the people either. So when meeting with friends or new people, I try to have at least some control of my surroundings or of who I associate with. However, when you are dependent on other people for the language and your ability to get around in transportation, then you have little option to get out of it and have to just follow what is happening. This is especially difficult if you do not trust fully the people you are with, want to feel some control so that you aren’t feeling unsafe, uncomfortable, or crazy. I keep wondering why it is not so easy for me to just go out with people when invited. I am a very social person. But mainly I think it is for this very reason. I am not a follower. I also very aware that I am particular and conscious of who I choose to make my acquaintance and have in my circle..but when you are meeting new people, in a new culture, it isn’t always easy up front to find “your people,” that can relate, of like mind, of like philosophy, the people you resonate with right away. I know they’re out there, but I suppose I have to go through a few rotten eggs first before I find them? The lesson I guess is finding solace and strength, courage within my own self a part from anyone else and who they are or what they do. It is standing in the truth of who I am and in my own personal power regardless of what people I am out with, knowing that they do not define me, nor do I have to be something I am not in order to feel liked, approved of, wanted. Whew.

Cairo alone has about 20 million people living here, all closed in a confined space, and if you think about it, there is so much desert out there. Yet, people have to stay where the Nile is for the water. So everyone is living in confined spaces here. How can we speak of personal space and boundaries, when there is very little. The notion of “privacy” then hardly exists when families are living on top of families, everyone living with each other, everyone always knowing what is going on with the other. Unlike our relationships back home, where one can be private and completely set apart from their parents in a relationship, they are so complicated here. The family unit is a big deal here, defending, protecting, supporting, etc each other, and of course, if you aren’t careful, always in your business. The women here usually have curfews at midnight, and so that makes it interesting to be able to go to a café with a man to hang out. Friends love to be involved in their other friends’ relationship problems, seeking the drama of it, trying to see if they can resolve your issues for you. The curiosity to me, sometimes borders invasiveness, although Egyptians wouldn’t necessarily agree with me on that. There are underlying expectations of family members, of how the eldest son must act and be, of taking care of your elders once you are working and old enough, expectations of relationships and what that means. It is so complicated. Back home where I grew up in Denver City, Texas, we used to never lock our car doors or doors to our houses at night. It is incredible for me to think about now considering my circumstances. We pretty much didn’t even think about it as children. And now, here in Cairo, I can hardly open the door when my boab, door guy, comes knocking on my door needing something. Every time I’ve had to let him in for water to clean our outside walk way or to bring someone to fix the tv, it is as though he pushes the boundaries just a bit more to get closer, to make excuses and stall to stay in my presence. It is uncomfortable, and yet I don’t know if he hardly sees that he is crossing huge boundaries. So I’ve been asked to not let anyone in my home, never to tell anyone where I live. This is such a new concept, as it implies that I cant trust anyone, I have to be careful and cautious with anyone who comes to the door. I flat out yelled at my door man the other day for getting too close to me, whereas back home, if that happened, I would just know what to do..Men wouldn’t even think about it or I’d have something to say. If I say that I live in a safe universe and I carry this notion around with me that I can trust life, then how do I explain this contradiction? In New Thought circles, we hear often, “Trust Life, Trust God, Trust the process.” And I would have to add-“and be very aware and conscious too of your surroundings and to your instinct.” To be an independent woman now having to be dependent on another til I have bigger wings, is a challenge. It means I have to try to let go of control and trust that I am safe. It means I have to surrender what I do not know, trust my gut, and know that I can change my mind if something does not feel right at any time.

Surrender

We say we believe in the unity of all of life, the oneness of all of life, that the Infinite Intelligence that I call God, Life, Spirit, Yahweh, Allah, Love Itself, is within all people, it is the only thing there is. The test: to see beauty in even the most ugly of things. To know God within myself and to see it in others, even though the appearance seems unlike this.

I’m being stretched more in my life now than ever have imagined before. Oh, the trials of cultural adjustment. Ukraine helped set the stage, yet this is even more so a test of trust and surrender. It feels as though you’re stripped of everything you know, everything you think you know, the control you wish you could have and keep, all the ways you attach yourself to the way “things should be because this is what I know” about life, people, cultures, etc. Humility. Compassion for where I am. Gentleness and forgiveness for all the moments I step out of accountability, integrity, or being conscious because for a moment I’m blinded by this attachment, this need for control, for comfort, for familiarity, for order, balance, for things to work according to how I feel they “should, “ for my security, my sake. How interesting isn’t it, for me to see myself in the midst of my anger, my reaction to all that is, to all that appears to be lacking beauty? How easy it is to judge, complain, seek to make wrong, to change, mock, and criticize what is uncomfortable, “not working, “ wrong, ridiculous, corrupt, this culture, this country, the ways, the systems. Yes, it is some of these things. And yet, it keeps me in suffering, in separation the longer I identify and am burdened by it. And…I’m allowed to feel all these emotions, to see them as just that, emotions. They aren’t who I am. They do not define me, yet they are part of me, part of the shadow parts of me..the parts that show up to reveal to me those places within me that still are seeking to be healed, loved, nurtured, supported, comforted and tended to. It gives me the contrast of light and dark. I am full of life, love, peace, joy, light. I am a light beam of pure Spirit. This is who I am. I said just today that I wish for one day, that things would just go well in this city for me. I feel this overwhelm of questions of “How does that make sense to overcharge for shitty quality when everything is falling apart?” “Why does this system work this way?” Why do people throw trash on the ground in the home they live in, where they walk, play, etc? Why is customer service not understood and people do not give a shit about that? Why are these silly rules created that completely contradict other rules when most aren’t even enforced to begin with yet they are created on the spot when they feel like it? Why do people not commit to their word and instead decide to change their minds as to what your agreement is? Why am I charged extra from a random worker at a tourist site who offers his information about a famous historical ancient site, without even my acknowledgment or agreement that I even want a tour guide let alone someone to tell me the history of this place simply because you want me to tip you? Forcing yourself on me so that I must oblige, be manipulated into feeling bad for not listening so that I can pay you?. How is that within integrity when I must then be rude and disoblige and refuse when you offer your services and just start speaking about the place that peaks my curiosity because you know that in the end, I’ll tip you for it? Why do I walk through numerous metal detectors guarded with security, my purse semi if at all looked through, me beeping and everyone beeping as they go through, when it does absolutely nothing? Why would you have me go through a detector, have me and everyone else beep and do nothing about it? You aren’t REALLY checking security, its humorously just for looks to make people “think” you are protecting or searching themThe “WHY’s” could go on forever, and today, I realized that WHY isn’t really the right question. It, in no way, supports me or helps me in moving into acceptance. It is a wasteful question. Who knows why? And does it really matter if that is just the way it is right now? So….I am going to come up with different questions to ask myself, that really guide me into alignment of putting attention where I want my life to be, as Rev. Barbara Leger would say. There is room for all the feelings that go along with this experience. And of course, I will continue to think “What in the world… or Why the hell is it this way?” yet I’ll maybe get to practice asking the more important questions.

I’m grappling with this while living here. When I can get past my own self identifications and expectations that I’ve held of how I feel this country and these people would change because I think they should for me to feel at ease, in trust, and comfortable..when I can see that below the surface, below the nasty stares, the manipulations, the ugliest of things I’m experiencing or seeing, that there is Love there, Divine Intelligence that also created this person, when I can let go of all expectations of how I want “them” to change for me to be comfortable, the need to be right, accepting everything and everyone just as it is, just as they are….when I can truly put my attention on what feels good, be a place of love, a person of compassion, gentle with myself, when I can surrender what I think I know or wish I knew to God….forgive myself for all my moments of disconnect or childishness, judgment or angry outburst….I will be truly free, I will be truly in joy.

This I am certain, and the journey, well, it continues…

Egypt’s Children, Subway Lines, and Routine January 11, 2012

It seems time has continually sped up. My days and times run into each other. The amount of information I am receiving now every day, observing, feeling, witnessing, is somewhat challenging to articulate into words, but I will most definitely try. Within this blog are photos from Islamic Cairo at a Mosque called Ahmad Ibn Tulun, that dates to about 700 years ago. It was empty as we were there at closing time, but still so sacred and beautiful. Also below is a short video of the place:)

I have taken the subway a few times with Emad, a much better way to get around quickly, without the hassle of death defying acts like crossing the Cairo streets. There are no street lights, people make their own lanes, and honking seems to get everyone’s attention. I think of it as a game of Jenga, the game where you pull out blocks on a high tower, hoping your block will not make the entire tower crash to the ground. The cars here as they drive all to somehow fit together and work, even when it appears as utter chaos. The subway stares are interesting too, however, I’ve taken on a new technique of staring glaringly back at these men, and they stop. I found it interesting that as you walk to get on the subway, there is a sign for women, which to me, appeared as women’s bathroom sign. This was not the case. It so happens, that at the subway, within every metro car, is a car just for women only. This is not to segregate or discriminate, rather, they can choose whether they want to be amidst all the men or not deal with the hassle of dealing with them, the staring, the harassment. They can calm themselves by being with other women. That felt reassuring to me. I would never take the subway later in the day during rush hour or at night alone, as it is not so safe.

Another interesting aspect of people here that I have noticed are the children. They are precious, little beams of light, full of so much energy, yet completely fearless! I swear, these little ones, through their raising years, appear to be much more independent of their parents, fearless of crossing the street, walking on their own, feeding themselves, etc, than any of the children I’ve seen back home. It appears that we “baby” and coddle our little ones much more so than the children here. The parents, because of financial or economical difficulty, may only have one vehicle, for example, could be a motorcycle, and so the mothers must carry their little ones, some of them just babies, on these motorcycles. I’ve even seen parents with children barely able to walk, having them cross the street, being somewhat pulled and dragged along, and yet, they do it no problem. A boy of maybe 9 years old was driving his bicycle, too big for his short legs and body, through downtown traffic with an enormous crate bigger than he was, full of who knows what, carried up with one hand above his head. He swirved his bike through traffic, across self-made lanes, without a hitch! They speak and walk much sooner it seems too, and the parents talk to them as though they are adults! On some level I could appreciate the independence, yet as babies, I was amazed they speak to them as though they already know everything as adults. I’m all for not baby talking children, rather giving them choices and guiding, directing, and also letting them be kids. But here, it seems because of the different hardships and challenges for families, some children must start working at a very young age. Just the other day, I was with Emad at an outside ahawa (coffee shop) outside with tea, coffee, and hookah (sheesha-sweet fruit tobacco), and little ones often come up to ask for money or will just stop to say hello. We have gotten into the habit of speaking to them with such honesty that it takes them out of their “game” of begging. Most of them know a few words of English and so Emad always says something in Arabic like, “May God supply for you and you are God’s child” when they are begging for money. Then I will ask them in Arabic, “Esmak ey?” (What is your name?) They will answer, with a half smile. Then we will try talking in English or they will ask me my name. From there, it breaks down their barrier of having to sell to us and be “big guys” and they become children again. It is an amazing thing to witness, yet so real when it comes to the fact that even at 8,9, 10 yrs old, they feel they have to provide for their families.

I spoke a little in my last entry about the obsessive staring here. Well, I have been given an opportunity to learn from these men. I have been given the opportunity to tap into that inner power even more so. Recently, while walking downtown with Emad on the streets, we were in a crowded area, with pastry shops, clothing stores, and a lot going on. A man reached out his hand and waved it through my hair as we walked by. I was taken back, startled, unsure what to do, panicked, as this is not something remotely accepted in this culture, much less anywhere else. I glared at him with a look of death, but part of me was angry, terrified, unsure what to say. The more I thought about it, the more upsetting it became, disrespectful. I probably would not have thought anything of it back home, but knowing this culture the way I am learning, it was idiocy, childish, disrespectful. I mentioned it to Emad right away, although we were too far away already for him to do anything. He was upset that I had not said something sooner, letting me know that in that situation it is important to say something to the man, to yell at him, to let him know that it is not okay what he did. Sexual harassment is a big issue in Egypt, especially now since the revolution. Police are not as widely spread around the streets as they once were, and so people push boundaries more so because of this. I have been told that the next time a man tries to harass or touch me, I must get really angry at him, creating some noise, which prompts other men to see this and step in, in my defense. I have been told that regardless of what I say in Arabic or English, the man will step back, as this is his worst fear, a woman standing in her power and showing it. I said, “Yes, but these would be the same men staring at me too.” And the response I got was, “Yes, however, these men will support you because they know you are foreign and it is wrong. Egyptian women also have this issue with them.” So rest assured, I am learning just the right words to say should it happen again.

I have come into somewhat of a routine. Having finally, or at least somewhat figured out how to hang my wet clothes on the line without them brushing into the side of the dirty flat or the fear of them falling into the abyss of trash on the ground, I feel more confident. Its so funny because just the other day I decided to really take a leap and try washing my 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton ivory sheets, and just as I was about to fold them over in half to keep them from dragging on the dirty ground, and just as I was about to lean over the balcony, peering down into that nasty abyss, the wind swept them into the side of the flat. Lines of dirt streamed the beautifully ivory colored sheets of mine. UGH! So...I proceeded to wash them again! Not only that, but this is the most hilarious part. Before this previous wash of clothes, I came into my small bathroom, it completely flooded with dirty laundry water because I, in my naive thought that it was hooked up somewhere, which really didnt exist in these flats, the water from the tube out of the washer moved it all out to the bathroom floor! SO FUNNY. I realized then that now I have to remember to place the tube into the bathtub to prevent this. So back to my sheets....After the second wash, I was so diligent and mindful in folding it up nicely so that I could lean way out off the balcony dirty ledge,bungee the sheets across three lines and pray that the sheets stay put while I manage to slowly pin them down. Sure enough....as I'm so doing this, a piece of fabric falls, and dirt all over my sheets. I had, had it. That was enough. They can dry with dirt all over them, and I will just deal. :) I am sleeping now finally through the 4am call to prayer. I am also learning the Arabic for shopping in the market down the street and how to get into a taxi with the few words I have. It is empowering and liberating when I have succeeded in this. I’ll be practicing my Arabic every evening and hopefully will have much more under my belt very soon. I see clearly the necessity for this learning.

In the next blog, I’ll speak about the idea of how we as humans cling to our identities when we are in the midst of a new culture, new language, new people, etc. and how the belief in oneness and unity plays a role in that, especially when we , as humans, tend to divide and separate. How is this oneness and unity so real and apparent, how do we stay in alignment with that as what we believe, if in fact, naturally, we experience this separation in a very real way, we buy into the illusion, or we hold on to our identity for it is what keeps us comfortable in a new place? I will speak to this next time…



Also, stay connected, as I’ve been observing how religion and culture plays a significant role in the lives of women, particularly Muslim women, and it is quite complex and complicated more than I had imagined. I will be doing a project soon of this research in getting their stories of how their religion and culture define, plays part in, adds to, uplifts, enhances, limits, their lives, their personal power, the ways they express, and who they are as people. The results that I am finding are very diverse! It is fascinating!

Back to Egypt-First days...

December 28^th, 2011

I arrived in Cairo for the second time after 2 years of being away on December 28^th. I came to be with my Beloved after being apart for a long 7 months and to continue my studies with Holmes Institute for global ministries. I have always had the adventurous spirit, a travelling nature, wanting to explore the world, connecting with new cultures, languages, people. As Emad and I walked through the airport doors, I again could smell the nostalgia of Egypt’s ancient and earthly lands…well, and mixed with the smells of gasoline and dust of course;) We drove to Heliopolis, where my new home awaited me, a two bedroom apartment near the famous Heliopolis Square and Al Fatah Mosque. The first few days of being in Egypt brought a mix of emotions. I have become aware very quickly how easy it is to see everything about a culture and place unlike your own comfort and familiarity, what is wrong, not working. It is normal to differentiate, to try to process all that you are seeing and feeling. My processing has come in so many mixed forms from frustration to anger, sadness, to confusion and apathy. I have felt over time that I have come to know this culture, the traditions and ways. Yet, I am seeing even with my knowledge of Islam, religions, this particular culture, I still have so very much to learn. Seeing women covered in their hijabs(the scarf that covers only the head) or in their full niqab(covers the head and face) has become so natural, so normal to me, yet I know back home women would be judged or seen as suspect for this. In the west we have so many judgments about it because I don’t think we fully understand what it is all about. Women have the choice here to cover or not to cover. For some it is cultural, for others religious. It is interesting that the minute I think I’ve come to understand the reasoning for many things here, I come to find that I know nothing, and it is just as complicated as it was when I had no answer. It is best not to jump to conclusions and to simply accept people as they are, for what they are.

I’m awakened every morning at 4am by the call to prayer outside my window, as the windows here are simply barriers to block the wind I swear! I can hear everything from the stray cats outside screeching, the dog endlessly barking every night at 1am, the banging of everything and anything from across the street, street horns and kids playing, to men yelling into the morning air “Fhool” or “aaayy” for the Egyptian carbohydrate packed beans, spices, and pita for breakfast to God knows what they’re saying!:) Maybe I should move my morning meditation time to the 4am call to prayer as I’m up anyway! Oh my goodness….the adjustments. The walking everywhere is a great addition to my life though, and Im finding little shortcuts to get to different places in my neighborhood, and there is a mosque I can cut through their back way through the gate to the street beyond. Egyptian furniture looks archaic, ancient, just as this country is…beautifully painted in golds and silvers, extravagant, yet nothing matches anything else. My bathroom is pink, and my bedroom walls are bright orange, but the dark wood furniture is pretty nice themselvesJ There is no dryer here, so I get to practice my techniques again of hang drying all my clothes on the line praying they don’t fall to the ground below amidst the trash. Yes…trash..there is A LOT of it. I know this is all over the planet. I was just telling Emad the other day how ironic it is that Muslims have the belief and many cultures actually, that the pig is a filthy nasty animal because it eats trash, hence the reason they do not eat pork…They find it to be an unruly animal that should not be eaten. Yet….there is trash everywhere here, people throw it out in their streets, in their homes, expecting their mothers to clean up after them. Thrown out without even a thought that they too are “eating trash” living in it, coping with it, our planet Earth doing all it can to compensate for it all. How ironic…the collective is just misinformed or not informed at all. It isn’t just in Egypt..It’s everywhere…in the US too. I just notice it more so here when our taxi driver throws his bag of chips right out the window as though it were bathwater. Whew.

So with the cultural shock that comes with a move such as this, there is the shadow and the light. Oh, I’ve seen much of the dark, and it is what I’m speaking of now. The gaze of the male population here that stare so much I feel invaded and totally transparent as a woman. It isn’t that they stare, it is HOW they stare. This is something I want to become more awake about. What is it exactly that makes people stare, so blatantly, so obviously, so in your face without restrictions, limitations, boundaries? Or is it completely okay to stare as we are curious beings, it isn’t a crossing of a boundary but just intrigue at one’s coloring or the differences in another? Is it that they never see foreign women except on television or movies, magazines, etc ? Is it the unspoken repression of sexuality and homosexuality, the certain taboos that just aren’t talked about here, that provoke this curiosity and lack of the notion of personal space. Perhaps there is no understanding of personal space? I’m exploring all these issues, and perhaps I’m completely wrong about them all. Yet, internally, I’ve had a mixture of accepting it as the way it is, not taking it personally, to feeling completely disrespected by it, undressed physically by it, degraded and angry for it, and flat out ready to spit in someone’s face for daring to touch me on the streets. I was told by a close friend from her past experiences here that the only time women really cry openly is when someone has died. Otherwise, they tend to keep to themselves emotionally speaking. This is probably a big generalization, however, I found it interesting to note. She also said that if a man started to harass me on the streets, to get very angry at him, cursing him, and that would most definitely scare him awayJ not only that, but the other men on the streets would come to my rescue…-the same men who cant keep their eyes to themselves! J wow…. On a positive note, this trip around, I do have hot water unlike my living in Ukraine some of the time, my hairdryer is semi-working with my adapter, and my iron completely blew up. That is travelling for youJ The food is so delicious, but I have yet to find hummus that is up to par! I WILL find it thoughJ

What keeps coming to my mind in the midst of seeing the things that are difficult, hard, ridiculous, maybe crazy, and chaotic…is that I am repeating this phrase in my head of “How can I see good or God in this other person and in these things around me that appear to be just the opposite?” In the collective consciousness of people everywhere, there is the unconscious, those that are sleep-walking, not aware of the impact they have on the planet and are unaware of their own inner authentic power to make a big difference in the world. It isn’t all, but as a huge collective it is…we consume, we are divisive, fear driven, manipulative, greed filled, etc and the list goes on, looking out for our own. Such is the human condition much of the time. The task to see God in another or see how we are connected as one big human family is the task. Even when I’m complaining of the leaking pipes, the pollution or traffic, the way the systems don’t work the way I think they should….am I seeing that we are separate or all part of the same family? Can I see the God in them too? Can I even try? This helps me keep perspective..that in fact, these things also exist in my own country too, they are just less hidden and I’ve found a way around them, yet they are still there. There is the light and the dark-we need them both to reveal the light unto the dark, to reveal the disowned aspects even of my own self.

For days, once the dream of 3 days of settling and vacation with Emad, he had to go back to work, which left me here at home to work and just prepare. I have been afraid since the incident on the streets, to go out alone, not sure who I could trust. It is a very unsettling feeling to think you cant trust anyone, don’t speak the language, don’t know your way around. This first week hasn’t been all roses. But I am doing what I can and taking baby steps. I know this takes time. We have a doorman named Salah who takes care of our trash and anything I might need. Not only that but I’ve met a few people in the local markets who have said that any time I need groceries, cheese, meat, etc, I can call and they will deliverJ small fee of course. I have extra security in my apartment, with an intercom phone in my flat that will allow people to enter the building, otherwise they cannot get in. The outside to most apartments is not so nice looking, ghetto like, the color of concrete or dirt..not your typical house with green grass and nice fence, etc. The streets are narrow, and in my neighborhood, it appears there are pharmacies on every cornerJ I finally got up the courage yesterday to go out on my own and take a walk to the markets nearby to purchase my own fruit and veggies. It is funny to watch how people react when they ask you where you are from and you say “America.” Their eyes get big and they say, ‘Welcome to Egypt. Glad you are here.’ Everyone in the market was very friendly and trying to speak to me with my little Arabic and their little English. I will, in time, learn more Arabic. I have never seen avocadoes and mangoes that big in my life! The mangos were the size of small Nerf footballs. J Remember those? The next steps are going to be: crossing the road on my own and getting in a taxi. There are very few traffic lights here, and although there are lines in the road, no one follows them. Most drivers use their horns constantly to warn others they are coming and their side mirrors are pushed in so that the car next to them wont hit them. Haha..it is so crazy, I cant even begin to tell you how scared I’ve been to cross the street! But I’ve done it!! It is like a game of Jenga or something to see how everything can fit together with cars and then the people walking STRAIGHT INTO TRAFFIC! They manage to do it without even flinching! Then there’s the taxi….I’ll be fine with that one, although my Arabic must get better.

For New Year’s Eve, Emad and I went into Zemalek, a nicer area of Cairo filled with mostly foreigners, to the Cultural Wheel, a cultural center there. We watched the world’s famous oud player, Naseer Shamma, loved and revered in Egypt. He and his band called “Imagination” played us into the New Year, playing new and old well-known songs to the Egyptian people. It was so beautiful to see all classes and ages of people there, singing their songs together. He even played their national anthem at the end, which is shown in the video below, and they all stood in honor and pride singing. J I even had one of the Egyptian Presidential candidates sitting behind us in the audience. Tahrir Square was filled with thousands of people led by Christians and joined by Muslims to celebrate the New Year with candles and dancing. It was such a sight to see! I walked through Tahrir Square a few days ago, and it was calm, quiet, but really amazing to feel the energy there after all that has happened in this place. We also took an afternoon to visit Khan Al Khalili Bizarre and the famous Al Azhar Mosque, shown here.

I’ve had the chance this past week to catch up with new and old friend s here over coffee, have sat in the various ‘ahawas’, coffee shops outside with their mint tea and sheesha(hookah). Next up is the Sufi Dancing that I will go see this evening…Looking forward to more exploration of Cairo and the southern part of Egypt to follow soon.

It is in times such as these, when adjusting to such a big change for me here, to be gentle with myself..to remember that people are people everywhere, to trust in my own inner knowing that I am guided and protected…and to step back and see where I am being judgmental, biased. It is an opportunity to use what I know and have learned thus far in spiritual practice and becoming more awake. Oh, what an opportunity to grow! Again….. J Til next time……. Love, Savi

The Cultural Dissonance

So I am now no longer in between realities, as I often thought about the anticipation of the cultural dissonance that shows up when we are coming home from another part of the world full of memories, stories, and emotion. I wasnt wanting the anticipation, but it is certaintly a feeling I am familiar with experiencing, although each time is a little different. Coming home is like its own passage into the unknown because Ive left behind my footprints and remnants of me in Egypt, now fully stepping into unknown territory as, "Savanna, who has been changed by yet another beautiful experience and peoples, now stepping into something new." It is absolutely true that when we have experiences in other cultures and places unlike our own, it allows us to stretch our minds of what is truly possible. It allows us to see things about ourselves that we did not know was there for healing, for expressing more love and joy into the world. It allows us to be humble and grateful for what we have at home and also for those that mirrored to us our humanness there, for we all want the same things. So being in the middle of realities, trying to find the place to integrate the two realities, well, can be the interesting piece. How I choose to show up and express myself now in my own country is the part that takes adjusting, as within me I feel I have been through something that I hold deep inside my heart, something somewhat unexplainable and unique. To articulate its magic to others is maybe not the point or the task, rather, to simply show up as the radiance and joy that I am, in addition to that unique experience that lives within me. We are a collective of memory, experiences, emotions, and attitudes. I am challenged now to see no separation between there and here, but just a flow of energy from across this beautiful planet to this country, where that magic can continue to be expressed. Egypt is truly full of magic and ancient wisdom.

As we become more aware and involved with peoples all over the world, it allows for us to work together, to see our similarities and strengths as One people. It allows us to see the contrasts yes, but to ultimately choose peace..to choose to participate in protecting and nourishing our planet....to choose love rather than fear.

For 2 days as I have been at home in the US, I have struggled emotionally with putting pieces together of what I just experienced. It is the peeling of the layers, every time, of who am I now? Every experience abroad has given me this opportunity to say to myself,"Ok...now with this experience and this magic, you know you are a changed person. Who are you now? And how do you want to express your gifts to the world?" The joys of growing....never stops. As I go day by day, working through the jetlag and processing of emotion and such, I trust that the gifts I received away will work themselves into my daily life here, giving me such a rich and profound wisdom inside to share with others, en sha' allah.

Blessed Be. Love, Me.