Boundaries Please?

I miss my friends who understand me…where I am able to set clear boundaries with and have mutual understanding about one another without all this drama. Drama seems to follow so many people here in Egypt. It’s like they thrive on drama within all relationships to the point that you get sucked into it without even knowing you’ve been pulled in. Relationships are so complicated here. Its best to keep your private life private and not openly share it with others around here. I have a contrast now so much so that I am truly grateful for my friends back home. Its tough to not judge it, to not get frustrated by it. I’m having to set even more clear boundaries with people even more so than before, and that isn’t easy in a culture that doesn’t have the same perception of “boundaries” as I do. Getting into someone elses’ space or what we would call “crossing a personal boundary,” Im finding, isn’t seen the same way as we view it, or that I view it. My challenge is that when I am in an unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people and things, it is normal to want to control or hold on to anything that makes you feel comfortable, at ease, trusting, safe. Because I don’t feel fully safe within my own surroundings at any given time because I’m still learning about the culture, then I don’t find it so easy to trust the people either. So when meeting with friends or new people, I try to have at least some control of my surroundings or of who I associate with. However, when you are dependent on other people for the language and your ability to get around in transportation, then you have little option to get out of it and have to just follow what is happening. This is especially difficult if you do not trust fully the people you are with, want to feel some control so that you aren’t feeling unsafe, uncomfortable, or crazy. I keep wondering why it is not so easy for me to just go out with people when invited. I am a very social person. But mainly I think it is for this very reason. I am not a follower. I also very aware that I am particular and conscious of who I choose to make my acquaintance and have in my circle..but when you are meeting new people, in a new culture, it isn’t always easy up front to find “your people,” that can relate, of like mind, of like philosophy, the people you resonate with right away. I know they’re out there, but I suppose I have to go through a few rotten eggs first before I find them? The lesson I guess is finding solace and strength, courage within my own self a part from anyone else and who they are or what they do. It is standing in the truth of who I am and in my own personal power regardless of what people I am out with, knowing that they do not define me, nor do I have to be something I am not in order to feel liked, approved of, wanted. Whew.

Cairo alone has about 20 million people living here, all closed in a confined space, and if you think about it, there is so much desert out there. Yet, people have to stay where the Nile is for the water. So everyone is living in confined spaces here. How can we speak of personal space and boundaries, when there is very little. The notion of “privacy” then hardly exists when families are living on top of families, everyone living with each other, everyone always knowing what is going on with the other. Unlike our relationships back home, where one can be private and completely set apart from their parents in a relationship, they are so complicated here. The family unit is a big deal here, defending, protecting, supporting, etc each other, and of course, if you aren’t careful, always in your business. The women here usually have curfews at midnight, and so that makes it interesting to be able to go to a café with a man to hang out. Friends love to be involved in their other friends’ relationship problems, seeking the drama of it, trying to see if they can resolve your issues for you. The curiosity to me, sometimes borders invasiveness, although Egyptians wouldn’t necessarily agree with me on that. There are underlying expectations of family members, of how the eldest son must act and be, of taking care of your elders once you are working and old enough, expectations of relationships and what that means. It is so complicated. Back home where I grew up in Denver City, Texas, we used to never lock our car doors or doors to our houses at night. It is incredible for me to think about now considering my circumstances. We pretty much didn’t even think about it as children. And now, here in Cairo, I can hardly open the door when my boab, door guy, comes knocking on my door needing something. Every time I’ve had to let him in for water to clean our outside walk way or to bring someone to fix the tv, it is as though he pushes the boundaries just a bit more to get closer, to make excuses and stall to stay in my presence. It is uncomfortable, and yet I don’t know if he hardly sees that he is crossing huge boundaries. So I’ve been asked to not let anyone in my home, never to tell anyone where I live. This is such a new concept, as it implies that I cant trust anyone, I have to be careful and cautious with anyone who comes to the door. I flat out yelled at my door man the other day for getting too close to me, whereas back home, if that happened, I would just know what to do..Men wouldn’t even think about it or I’d have something to say. If I say that I live in a safe universe and I carry this notion around with me that I can trust life, then how do I explain this contradiction? In New Thought circles, we hear often, “Trust Life, Trust God, Trust the process.” And I would have to add-“and be very aware and conscious too of your surroundings and to your instinct.” To be an independent woman now having to be dependent on another til I have bigger wings, is a challenge. It means I have to try to let go of control and trust that I am safe. It means I have to surrender what I do not know, trust my gut, and know that I can change my mind if something does not feel right at any time.