January 7, 2010
Im realizing yet again that Egypt magnetizes our beliefs. When we’re put into situations that may be different and uncomfortable, it always challenges us to see ourselves and what we believe about that situation, event, or outcome. I am noticing my resistance to conforming to the set values that women hold here as far as their role in this society and also to the expectations that the men have about women as well. I am constantly stared down so blatantly and curiously, that I have started to see my own femininity, modesty, and ways that I express myself in a much different way. I pay extra attention here as how I show up to others. I don’t care much about what others think anyway, but to save me some hassel, it is best that I draw the least amount of attention to myself. In many ways I think covering the head as many women choose to do here, protects them and also gives them their own comfort. I notice often that when exchanging words with Eslam, it is not really appropriate to do this in public. This has been something difficult for me as I am outspoken and assertive, and vocal about how I feel. So when something comes up for me, I have to usually bring it up privately, which isn’t often, or in a place where I wont shatter his ego or create a scene. I have this judgment about men here being so self-righteous and egotistical. Mostly because Im finding that our communication isn’t clicking either through a language barrier of semantics and jargon use, or because it just isn’t registering AT ALL. It is kind of funny sometimes because I have this idea that most of the male population back home can at least be somewhat in touch with their feelings and be able to try to articulate them. Well, it is just an idea Ive made up in my head and maybe Im totally over generalizing. Ive been lucky I guess in knowing men that are able to do this, to at least try expressing themselves honestly. However, here, it is expressive and feeling, but in a very dramatic, arrogant way. It isn’t rational. It kind of reminds me of High School drama in many ways with interactions here. He must prove something..prove that he is worthy of your attention. This idea of what it is to be a man..In many ways I don’t find it appealing or likeable, and in other ways I find that men back home could maybe learn a little bit from some chivalry. I think it has a lot to do with race consciousness and emotional maturity. It doesn’t quite feel authentic to me as image is so important. So it pushes every single button I have and is showing me more than Im willing to see at this moment. I know though, that it will all come into focus.
Im realizing yet again that Egypt magnetizes our beliefs. When we’re put into situations that may be different and uncomfortable, it always challenges us to see ourselves and what we believe about that situation, event, or outcome. I am noticing my resistance to conforming to the set values that women hold here as far as their role in this society and also to the expectations that the men have about women as well. I am constantly stared down so blatantly and curiously, that I have started to see my own femininity, modesty, and ways that I express myself in a much different way. I pay extra attention here as how I show up to others. I don’t care much about what others think anyway, but to save me some hassel, it is best that I draw the least amount of attention to myself. In many ways I think covering the head as many women choose to do here, protects them and also gives them their own comfort. I notice often that when exchanging words with Eslam, it is not really appropriate to do this in public. This has been something difficult for me as I am outspoken and assertive, and vocal about how I feel. So when something comes up for me, I have to usually bring it up privately, which isn’t often, or in a place where I wont shatter his ego or create a scene. I have this judgment about men here being so self-righteous and egotistical. Mostly because Im finding that our communication isn’t clicking either through a language barrier of semantics and jargon use, or because it just isn’t registering AT ALL. It is kind of funny sometimes because I have this idea that most of the male population back home can at least be somewhat in touch with their feelings and be able to try to articulate them. Well, it is just an idea Ive made up in my head and maybe Im totally over generalizing. Ive been lucky I guess in knowing men that are able to do this, to at least try expressing themselves honestly. However, here, it is expressive and feeling, but in a very dramatic, arrogant way. It isn’t rational. It kind of reminds me of High School drama in many ways with interactions here. He must prove something..prove that he is worthy of your attention. This idea of what it is to be a man..In many ways I don’t find it appealing or likeable, and in other ways I find that men back home could maybe learn a little bit from some chivalry. I think it has a lot to do with race consciousness and emotional maturity. It doesn’t quite feel authentic to me as image is so important. So it pushes every single button I have and is showing me more than Im willing to see at this moment. I know though, that it will all come into focus.
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